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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25061734">And It's So Cold</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simoncult/pseuds/Simoncult'>Simoncult</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Ending, Angst, Blood, Blood Drinking, M/M, Magic, SnowBaz, Vampire Bites, Vampires</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:21:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,874</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25061734</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simoncult/pseuds/Simoncult</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>That night in the woods, but it ends slightly differently..<br/>My friend cosplayed the Humdrum and made this video, I offered to write it, they said "DO IT"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>And It's So Cold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bastilincult/gifts">Bastilincult</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is MESSY<br/>sorry if this is garbage lmao</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Baz</strong>
</p><p>I'm stalking in the woods, trying to find anything to grab and kill. I hadn't realized how long it had been since I drank until I was listening to Simon's breathing and heartbeat. Slowly inching closer until my fangs popped. I shot up, quietly making my way down the hall and out the front door. There won't be much since it is early in the morning and the middle of winter, but I need to find something.</p><p>I pause at the little clearing I had made for myself a few years back. Somewhere to go sit when I didn't want to be in the house and I couldn't be at Watford. I sit, so thirsty that it hurts, but I haven't so much as a stir in the woods tonight.</p><p>That was until I heard a branch snap. It sounded much too large to be an animal though, and just through the trees, I can make out a mop of golden curls.</p><p>"Simon..?"</p><p>He turns around and looks at me. He looks, different. Covered in dirt, wearing old, ripped clothing. My first instinct was that he had gotten hurt when he came to look for me.</p><p>"What are you doing out here..?" he just stares at me. </p><p>I shake my head. He looked injured and wasn't talking to me, he seems out of it. My own problem can wait, "It's cold. Let's go back inside."</p><p>He smirks and walks closer, holding his hand out. I feel uneasy, almost more thirsty than when I came out here. </p><p>"What are you doing-"</p><p>Suddenly everything hurts. It feels like everything has been sucked out of me, or like someone punched me hard in the chest. My mind is racing, my skin is crawling, I'm so <em>thirsty</em>. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Simon</strong>
</p><p>I wake up in an empty room. Baz's bed is empty, and the door is wide open, so naturally confused, I get up. The hallways in this house are long and winding and I still barely know how to navigate them, but it's not long before I'm at the front door.</p><p>As soon as my feet hit the ground outside, I can feel it.  That awful, empty, sucking feeling the Humdrum brings. I nearly double over just from the feeling alone. Then, I hear the scream.</p><p>It came from the woods surrounding the Pitch mansion, and it was unmistakably Baz's. I push aside my fear and run into the woods, scanning franticly for Baz or the Humdrum or <em>something</em>. It's gone way too quiet since the scream and panic is starting to bubble under my skin. I thrash at branches in the way as I try to follow the empty feeling.</p><p>Until I spot them. Baz is hunched over on his knees, back is rising and falling rapidly as he pants. His nails are digging into the ground around them. I start stepping into the small clearing they're in. Baz looks over at me immediately. His fangs have popped and his eyes are almost black, and I'd be lying if I said the way he eyed me didn't terrify me. The Humdrum is standing a few feet in front of him, watching with a blank expression.  </p><p>"Snow... Leave. Go back into the house," Baz has to pinch himself, spitting each word out slowly. He looks like he's in pain. </p><p>I shake my head, stepping closer instead and he flinches. The Humdrum looks at me, then to Baz.</p><p>"Why are you doing this?"</p><p>It doesn't respond.</p><p>"Who are you?! Why do you look like me?!"</p><p>It doesn't respond.</p><p>I huff and bend down to be level with Baz. I'm a fair amount away from him, but he still tries to back up.</p><p>"Baz.. Please listen to me."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Baz</strong>
</p><p>Fucks sake why won't he leave? I know he sees what's going on here, why won't he leave? My throat is hoarse and my entire body is bubbling. I want to rip my skin off, I want to kill something. I want to kill someone. I want to kill Simon.</p><p>But I don't want to kill Simon. I want him to pack up his pride and go inside before he gets hurt. He starts inching ever so closer to me, and I have to physically fight to not lunge at him. </p><p>I can hear his heartbeat. It's fast. He's scared. So why won't he leave? The sound of his heart is deafening when paired with the smell. I can smell his blood, he's so close. I'm not going to hurt him, I can't.</p><p>"Simon, please!" I know I sound pained and desperate, but I'm hoping that enough to get him to leave. </p><p>"I'm not leaving you, Baz. I won't leave you out here alone."</p><p>"Simon, I'm... I'm gonna end up hurting you. You- Simon you don't need.. to hurt yourself like this."</p><p>I look up at the Humdrum. It smiles at me and raises its hand again. I shake my head, trying to do anything to get it to stop. I'm almost to the point of wanting to beg it to let this end, but it just smiles and sucks everything out again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Simon</strong>
</p><p>After the, was it a spell..? Whatever the Humdrum did, Baz grunts. He's pressing his own face into the ground, breathing heavily, and it almost looks like he's going to cry. He looks up at me, eyes wild and feral. His mouth is pulled up in a sneer as he flashes his fangs.</p><p>In a flash, I'm pinned to the ground and he's hovering over me. I can see his internal struggle, and I can tell he's losing.</p><p>"Simon-" he's wheezing, his face is scrunched in pain, "I-I can't.. Simon, I can't do this."</p><p>I grab his face and pull him closer so he can look at me. I start slowly opening my magic, I let it flood into him. He squeezes his eyes tight, slacking in my grasp. I start letting the magic flow quicker and he whimpers over me, pushing into my hands.</p><p>"It's okay, Baz. I'm right here. It's all okay."</p><p>"No. I- Simon," he's talking steadier at least, having some magic in him again, "Let me go..." he mumbles it into my palm as he tries to shove my hands off of him. "I'm gonna hurt you."</p><p>"Why are you going to hurt me?" I know why, but I need to hear him say it. I don't know why, I just need to hear it.</p><p>"Simon, I'm... I'm <em>so thirsty</em>."</p><p>I grip the back of his hair and shove his face into my neck.</p><p>"Do it. Just take it."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Baz</strong>
</p><p>My face is on his neck. My nose is buried in his skin, and I'm being forced to breathe him in. He's so warm, all of him is so warm, and it's so cold out here.</p><p>I try to not. I try to hold my breath and pull away. I try to shake my head and tell him no, but if I open my mouth I won't be able to stop. He thinks I'm just gonna take some and stop. He thinks I have that much self-control.</p><p>I try to push against his hands. I try to wiggle out from in his arms. I try to do anything to get away from him.</p><p>But he's so warm, and smells so good. He smells like fire. Not like smoke and burning wood. Like heat. How can someone smell like heat?</p><p>I tell myself:</p><p><em>Just a taste. Just a bite. Just enough that you won't jump the first Normal you lay your eyes on. Just enough to get him to let you go so you can run and find a deer or something</em>.</p><p>And I feel his heartbeat, I listen to his blood flowing through him. I bite.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Simon</strong>
</p><p>I gasp slightly, It doesn't hurt, it just feels weird. It's something you can't really describe feeling your blood be drained out of you. I get dizzy pretty fast, but I won't stop him.</p><p>He gets to take what he needs.</p><p>I don't care what that means for me. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Baz</strong>
</p><p>I always knew he'd taste good. The way it smells, the taste, it's all way too much. I need to stop, to pull away, but I can't.</p><p>It feels like no matter what I take, it isn't working. I still want more.</p><p>I look up, the Humdrum is kneeling in front of me. I'm not sure if Simon has noticed, his eyes are screwed shut and his mouth is hanging open. He looks so pretty. I feel his- it's hand on the back of my head as he pushes me further into Simon's neck. And then everything hurts again.</p><p>He's taken everything again. All the magic, all the blood, it's gone. My mind is frenzied again, and my fangs dig deeper.</p><p>Simon yells underneath me but doesn't move to push me off, he just tilts his head, giving me more access.</p><p>Everything I take is being sucked right back out. My hands scramble to push the Humdrum away, to shove myself up and off of Simon, but I'm weak. I'm so weak. He's right here, letting me take whatever I want, knowing it's going to kill him. I can't kill him.</p><p>I feel his hands start to let go, and his breathing gets slower. I try to pull off, but they both, Simon and the Humdrum, push me back.</p><p>There's no way to get out of this, I'm going to kill Simon Snow. I'm going to kill him tonight. I can't even tell if it's against my will anymore. I don't want to hurt him, but he's right here. I have him underneath me, letting me kill him. Just letting me <em>take</em>.</p><p>He pulls me off of him, but he's already lost too much blood. He takes my face in his hands again and makes me look into his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Simon</strong>
</p><p>There's blood on his teeth and lips. My blood. I can see the tears in his eyes as he gasps for breath.</p><p>"Simon..." he whispers it to me while I hold him. Tears are falling down his cheeks and he's mumbling apologies, "I didn't want to. Simon I didn't want to. You know that. I love you so much. I'm so sorry, love." he starts sobbing, pressing his forehead against mine.</p><p>I shush him and run my fingers through his hair. I can feel his tears hitting my face.</p><p> "It's alright darling. Everything is okay now. You know I love you more than anything," I pull him down into a kiss.</p><p>He kisses back best he can, still shaking and crying. I hold him tightly after he pulled away, breathing softly as the world spins. Everything is starting to slowly go dark and I can barely register it when the Humdrum sits next to me. I can make out shapes disappearing out of it.</p><p>The Humdrum is dying with me.</p><p>I whisper another goodbye and feel my hand slip from Baz's hair.</p><p>Everything is dark.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Baz</strong>
</p><p>Simon's hand falls and I grip it. His heart has stopped beating and he's stopped breathing. He's gone.</p><p>I look around the clearing. The Humdrum is gone.</p><p>Everyone is gone, I'm completely alone in the woods.</p><p>And it's so cold.</p>
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